Lack of Confidence

LACK OF CONFIDENCE – FOUR INSIGHTS

Confidence is not just one thing. People can be confident in some situations, but not in others. These situations vary from one person to another. Usually even the most confident people have at least one situation where they do not feel confident. Labelling yourself as chronically unconfident is really the same as failing to distinguish between all the different ways you can be confident.

Appearance can be misleading. Many people appear confident when they are not. It is as if they might make a mistake, or put their foot in it, but still behave as if it will be alright in the end.

Confidence comes from doing things Confidence comes with practice, mistake are inevitable when you are learning. Really mistakes are an important part of the learning process. Mistakes can only get in the way if you let them undermine your confidence. It is a good skill to learn to shrug off or laugh about them. If you try to avoid all mistakes you run the risk of not learning or growing at all.

People take you at your own estimation Many people have a habit of apologising immediately that something goes wrong, on the assumption that it must have been their fault. Any other options are not even considered. People unless they know you very well, will take you at your word and go along with your assumption. Try to break the habit of constantly apologising and assuming responsibility before considering other reasons as to why things might have gone wrong.

STRATEGIES FOR BUILDING CONFIDENCE

Practice Make building your confidence a habit.

Behave “as if” ask yourself at an unconfident moment, “how would I behave if I really felt confident?” Adopting the behaviour of confidence, visualising and feeling the posture, the actions and the thoughts involved, will start you off on the upward spiral of increasing confidence. To help with this visualisation it might be helpful to remember a time when you really felt good about yourself or something you had achieved (everybody will have something to remember!) and use the emotions, thoughts and feelings to put into your new scenario.

Make the most of your mistakes – and then try and ignore them recognise the mistake, use it for reflection, then forget it, try again, maybe fail again but fail better next time.

Limit the self blame apply the “water under the bridge” rule and operate a statute of limitations. Kicking yourself or tormenting yourself for past inadequacies gives fuel to your internal critic. Cut off its oxygen supply and let the encouraging voice speak instead.

Be kind to yourself A very important strategy. It is the key for building self confidence. Learn to seek out rewards and pleasures and your confidence will grow